Proper Pureblood Protocol
by our forbidden love
Summary: In which Walburga and Druella teach etiquette. Join us for a spot of tea — and don't forget to keep your pinky out!
1. Prelude

Clasping her hands behind her back, Walburga stood in front of a large blackboard covered with a sheet. "Our community," she began, "is failing our children. Our offspring, the lights of our lives, are being brainwashed by Muggles. We cannot allow this to happen. That is why —" she tugged a corner of the sheet and pulled it off the board "— we must take action."

She picked up a piece of chalk and turned to face the board. "I have invited a guest. Please welcome Miss Druella Rosier."

The guests applauded politely as Druella stepped up to the blackboard and turned to face them. "Thank you," she said as the applause began to die down. "It is a sad thing that more and more proper pureblood children are being taught that it is acceptable to act as Muggles do, take impure companions, even go so far as to marry them and produce their impure children. They must be taught better."

"We have," said Walburga, "accumulated rules for every social encounter you will ever have in your lifetime. Pay close attention." She raised her hand and began to write on the board in spiky handwriting.

 _Social Etiquette  
_ _Led by Druella Rosier and Walburga Black_

"First things first," she continued. "The number one rule is _be polite_." She nodded to Druella, who scratched this onto the board. "This does not mean be polite to those you see fit. There was a time when Purebloods thought themselves able to look down on everyone who did not have the purest of family lines, but now, in this newer age, this must stop."

"Mudbloods may not be our friends," added Druella, "and we may be aware of how filthy their blood is, but this does not excuse our rudeness. We must treat them with respect, even if we doubt they have earned it."

"But," Walburga stopped for emphasis, "the elderly, no matter their blood, must always be treated with respect, as their time may be drawing to a close and their childhood may not have been filled with much respect. Therefore, if an old woman is having trouble with anything, even if she is a Mudblood, it is your duty to help her."

"And now," Druella finished, "please direct your attention to the board."


	2. Chapter One

_Basic Etiquette_ , scrawled Walburga. She nodded to Druella and twisted her lips in the imitation of a smile.

"Basic manners." Druella clasped her hands in front of her. "These are very...well, basic. The rudimentary rules, as it were." She waved her hand at the door and an unkempt woman shuffled in. She had matted mousy brown hair to the middle of her back and wore a ratty-looking bathrobe. "This is Alecto Carrow. She will be our —"

"— victim," supplied Walburga before deferentially dropping her gaze to the floor when Druella glared at her.

"She will be our _example_ today," finished Druella, still shooting daggers at Walburga with her eyes. She turned to the board. "Kindly copy these into your notebooks. There _will_ be an exam later."

On the board, she wrote _Rule number one: say please and thank you_. Druella put down the chalk and picked up a plate containing a sandwich and returned to the center. The guests watched in horror as Alecto snatched the sandwich off the plate and ate as though she had been denied food for several weeks, smearing sauce all over her face.

"Miss Carrow," prompted Walburga. "What do you say?"

Alecto looked up, just then registering the other people in the room. "Good nosh, ma'am," she muttered before returning her attention back to the sandwich.

Druella forced a smile and clasped her hands in front of her. "A perfect example, wouldn't you agree?" The guests nodded, still looking horrified at the display Alecto had conducted.

 _Rule number two_ , Walburga wrote, _always maintain proper hygiene_.

"No one wants to cozy up to you only to pinch their nose and run away," Druella elaborated. "Not that anyone will do that if they pay close attention to this lesson, but brushing your hair and teeth and showering regularly are very important things to remember." She raised her wand and cast several charms on Alecto: the first cleaned her teeth, the second combed her rat's nest of hair, and the third cleared up her body odor.

Walburga cast a final charm, transforming Alecto's bathrobe into a garment more suitable for outdoor wear. "This is the proper way to present yourself to the community," she explained. "When meeting others, it is imperative that you both look and feel your best, as we have demonstrated for you today." She turned to Alecto. "Correct?"

"S'pose," Alecto mumbled, slouching, her gaze trained on the floor.

"No, no, this simply will not do," said Druella, casting another spell that improved Alecto's posture. _Rule number three,_ she added to the board, _maintain proper posture and body language at all times_.

Walburga drew a ruler out of her desk drawer, crossing over to Alecto and attaching it to her back. "Never slouch," she cautioned. "It can damage your spine permanently if performed too often." Alecto struggled, wiggling from side-to-side in an attempt to remove the ruler, but to no avail: Walburga had used a sticking charm to keep it in place.

 _Rule number four: dress for the occasion_ , Druella wrote next. Setting down the chalk, she turned back to her guests. "When Miss Carrow arrived earlier, you may remember that she saw fit to show up in a mangy bathrobe, an article that should never be worn outside the home. Thankfully, we were able to use an incantation to correct her blunder, but let that stand as a reminder to wear clothing appropriate for the weather and occasion at all times."

Walburga transfigured a paper fan into a wood screen and set it up around a corner of the room. She beckoned Alecto over, and the woman shuffled closer. "We will be just a moment," she announced before ducking behind the screen and pulling Alecto with her. A few minutes later, Walburga stepped out. "The outfit we have chosen is perfect for spring weather. It is neither too hot, nor is it too cool."

Alecto shuffled out. She was clad in a mint-green dress dotted with tiny white flowers. The dress brushed the tops of her bare feet. Even her hair had been combed. It was a much improved appearance, that was for sure.

"Much improved, don't you find?" Druella commented. The guests nodded their approval, jotting down notes into their books.

"And now," she continued, "I think it is time for our first exam."


End file.
